


When You're Ready

by ana_kl



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Abortion, M/M, Mpreg, Post Mpreg, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26326624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana_kl/pseuds/ana_kl
Summary: It doesn't work that way, but Mat feels a little like it's his fault.
Relationships: Mathew Barzal/Ethan Bear
Comments: 3
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

Mat feels sick, just found out why and his boyfriend is across the border, almost on the utmost opposite end of the country. He's still a little shocked that he's almost three months pregnant, although the possibility had crossed his mind when he spent five mornings in a row on the bathroom floor, gagging every fifteen minutes, and he has no idea how to tell Ethan.

He's probably entitled to be at least a little miserable. 

Needless to say, they haven't planned on having a baby: they're bonded, but neither of them are even 25 yet and a family isn't something they'd thought about. Mat can already hear Ethan's protests, but he feels like it's his fault. His last heat had happened out of nowhere and it had been one of the rare ones during which he wants his alpha more than anything. 

Mat's pretty sure that Ethan won't be mad about it; actually, he's positive that Ethan's going to be the amazing boyfriend he is and be there for him every step of the way, no matter what he chooses to do. Which is what makes this even scarier, because Mat doesn't want to destroy both their futures by having a baby before they're ready or doing something that'll strain their relationship if he chooses adoption or not to go through with this altogether. He knows he's holding himself to a bit of a double standard: he believes that everyone should have total ownership over their body and he'd never judge someone for doing what they need to do. But now that it's happening to him, he's guilting himself and questioning everything. He's not crying -- yet -- but he thinks he might soon and he really just wants his boyfriend. They're not mated and that feels like another glaring issue even though he knows that Ethan loves him and that he feels the same way. 

He can only think that he needs his boyfriend, so he calls Ethan. Predictably, he answers after only one ring and Mat smiles a little at how Ethan's always been there for him when he needs him, even when they were just friends. 

"Hey Barzy," Ethan says and Mat can hear his smile. "What's up?" 

Mat almost forgets why he called. 

"It's... um... I'm... M-Maybe I shouldn't tell you over the phone," Mat fumbles, unsure of how to suddenly tell his boyfriend that he's pregnant and suddenly realizing that this might not be the best way to do it. 

Mat hears rustling on the other end and he realizes that it's pretty late where Ethan is; he must be in bed and Mat feels bad for calling now, when he's apparently incapable of coming up with something to say. 

"Mat, what is it?" Ethan asks, sounding concerned now. 

"It's... um... sorry, I'm making it sound worse than it is, I think," Mat says, probably making it sound worse than it is right now! 

"Babe, you're scaring me," Ethan says and Mat feels guilty. "What's wrong?" He asks again, softly. "Are you ok?" 

Mat should've planned something, anything to say, and the last thing he wants is for Ethan to worry when he needs to stay focused on hockey, but now he feels like he's frozen. 

"I...I'm pregnant...?" Mat just about whispers into the phone and he's not even sure if Ethan can hear him. 

He obviously does though, because there's total silence for what feels like an hour and Mat starts panicking. Then, he frantically starts apologizing, explaining and saying really very little that's actually coherent, but he can't stop because maybe Ethan's going to leave him. 

"I'm s-so sorry," Mat sobs before hanging up and tossing his phone to the side. 

He knows he's not acting rationally and didn't even give Ethan a chance to say anything, but he feels certain that his boyfriend's not going to want to be with him anymore. They didn't plan this. They both have hockey. Ethan's had another incredible year with the Oilers and there's no way he's going to want to raise a child now. Mat doesn't even know what to do for himself. It'll have more of an impact on him if he decides to go through with this. And if Mat does want this but Ethan doesn't... what does he do then? 

His phone rings like crazy where he's thrown it; it's the ringtone he set just for Ethan. When he goes to put the phone on silent, he sees that Ethan's switched tactics and that he now has 20 texts and counting. He can't right now though, because once he starts imagining the worst, he can't stop and if Ethan's going to break up with him, then he wants to put it off as long as he can. He also feels kind of stupid, because he really shouldn't have hung up on his boyfriend pretty much right after telling him he's pregnant. 

He ends up crying himself to sleep even though it's only early in the evening. His phone is still going off, vibrating almost constantly in the corner and he tells himself that he'll deal with it when he wakes up. 

\----

When he does, it's to gentle fingers combing through his hair and the familiar, spicy cinnamon-pine scent of his alpha. He slowly opens his eyes and starts panicking a little when he sees Ethan kneeling in front of him. 

"Hey... relax, Barzy," Ethan smiles softly, taking his hand and kissing the inside of his wrist. 

Mat blushes. It's about as close as they'd get to Ethan actually scenting him, which he also does often and which Mat loves. Mat sits up, perching on the edge of the bed as Ethan takes both his hands in his, still kneeling in front of him as he looks up. 

"What are you doing here?" Mat manages, and no, those weren't exactly the first words he wanted to say to his boyfriend, but it was what came out. 

Ethan smiles, gently squeezing Mat's hands. 

"You hung up on me and you wouldn't answer your phone," he says, as though that explains everything. 

"...So you flew to New York?" Mat says, still in disbelief. 

"Mmhm," Ethan kisses Mat's hands before he takes a seat beside him and wraps his arms around him. 

"So we might be having a baby?" He starts, and he doesn't sound upset. 

"...We are," Mat bites his lower lip. "I...um... I got the results back."

"But do you want this?" Ethan asks, rubbing Mat's back. "We don't have to if you're not ready." 

Mat knows that Ethan loves him and that he'd never ask him to have a baby he isn't ready for. Ethan isn't the embodiment of the worst, stereotypical qualities an alpha could have; he's the exact opposite. He's Mat's best friend before anything else. He pushes Mat to his limits and beyond in hockey even though they're on different teams, but he's the perfect kind of gentle and attentive that Mat's kind of always wanted from an alpha off the ice. Still, he has to process that he has a choice and that Ethan's going to respect whatever he chooses to do. 

"I don't know," Mat says quietly. "I don't know what to do..." 

Ethan pulls him closer so that he's almost on his lap and nuzzles his neck. 

"It's ok, Mat," he says with a kiss. 

"You're not mad?" Mat asks. 

"Of course not," Ethan kisses Mat's temple and pulls him closer. "I love you and no matter what you decide to do, I'm going to be there for you. We'll only have kids if you're ready and if you do want this now, then I want nothing more than to have a kid with you." 

Mat feels like he's going to cry -- it's been an emotional day overall and Ethan's not making it any less so when he's flown over 7 hours in the middle of the night to be with him and when he's looking at him like that. He lets Ethan hold him until he feels a little better and it gets late. Despite Mat's protests, Ethan takes time off to be with Mat until he figures out what he wants to do.

The answer comes to Mat in the middle of the night a couple days later. He keeps imagining what it would be like to raise a child with Ethan and finds that he'd want it more than anything... Just not right now. He knows that Ethan will be an amazing father and if they're doing this together, maybe he will be, too. But he just can't take this on right now. He doesn't want his body to change so much when he's not even in his prime for hockey. He doesn't want to have to take time off yet and he doesn't want Ethan to feel like he has to, either. The two weeks that Ethan's taking off just to be with him now were already a big deal. And he just... doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what a baby needs, doesn't know how to raise one, especially when he's so young himself. 

The next few days are appointment after appointment and Ethan's there for all of them. Ethan tells him that his scent's a little different, soft lavender and camomile mixed in with his usual sweet vanilla, strawberry and rose. It's nice, he says, but he tells Mat he loves his normal scent just as much and it's the reassurance Mat needs when he goes in for his last appointment. 

Ethan's at his side when he comes to and the kiss he gives him banishes the last of Mat's worries that they won't be ok after this. Ethan takes care of him and they go to a counselling session because it seems like the thing to do. They find that they don't need it though. They accept their decision and understand why they had to do it. And they love each other. Ethan doesn't resent Mat and he makes sure that Mat doesn't blame himself. Their lives go on and they go on together. 

\----

"Mommy, when's Daddy going to be on the TV?" 

"Soon, sweetie," Mat smiles as he braids his five year old daughter's hair, both of them sitting on the floor as Mat simultanously keeps an eye on their three month old son, who's laid out on a blanket, giggling as he reaches for Mat. 

He and Ethan have two kids now and Mat's retired. They're still young, but he wants to be there for their kids as they grow up. They planned for both their kids carefully: Mat retired first, then he tracked his heats probably more meticulously than he ever did for hockey. Their kids look a little like both of them and both Mat and Ethan love them so much. Mat knows that Ethan feels guilty about being away a lot for hockey, but he wants Ethan to know how proud he is of him and how much their daughter looks up to him. They don't push their kids towards hockey, but their daughter wants to do everything her dad does, so Mat takes her to hockey every week. Although he and Ethan wanted kids this time, Mat doesn't count on finding parenting this rewarding (or on their daughter insisting on calling him "Mommy"), but he's happier than he's been maybe ever. 

When Ethan's on the road, they watch all his games and Mat thinks that this might just be the year the Oilers make it to the playoffs. If they do, he'll fly out to watch it live with their kids, no matter where it is.

He ties off their daughter's braids just as the game starts and she runs off, excited to watch. Mat smiles, picking up their son and joining their little girl on the sofa. He'll get really into the game too and somehow, the baby in his arms will sleep through it. Then, after the post-game interviews are done, Ethan will call them and that's probably Mat's favorite part of hockey night now. 

Maybe once or twice every now and again, Mat wonders if their two kids would've had an older brother or sister. He doesn't wonder if he and Ethan did the right thing, though. It doesn't keep him up at night and he knows it doesn't keep Ethan up either. 

They have their daughter, who comes into their room for a story if she can't sleep and their son, who sometimes still cries if he wants to be held at some ungodly hour for that. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ethan's blindsided when Mat tells him he's pregnant, despite having spent Mat's last, spontaneous heat with him. He knows he should say something as Mat rambles nervously on the other end -- Mat shouldn't be apologizing for something that's not his fault and Ethan can hear the panic in his voice. He really should tell Mat that he loves him, that he's going to be there for him no matter what happens, that he's going to book the earliest flight he can to New York so that he can be with him, but nothing comes out. Instead, he just sits there, phone in hand as he struggles to compute what Mat's telling him. Then, Mat says he's sorry again, sounds like he's going to cry and hangs up. 

_Shit._

Ethan feels like the worst alpha and boyfriend ever as he phones Mat again and again when he won't pick up. He has no idea what's going through Mat's mind right now, but he's sure that his omega's terrified (and staying silent on the line was definitely not what Mat needed him to do). He sends Mat a few texts when it becomes clear that his efforts to call back are futile, then he looks up flights and books the quickest one to New York. He doesn't consider the price and he doesn't care that he has exactly 30 minutes to get to the airport if he wants to clear security in time. He wants to get to Mat as soon as he can, so he doesn't bother calling an Uber and brings only as much as he can pack in about five minutes. He tries to ring Mat a couple more times when he's driving and doesn't even call management until he arrives in New York seven hours later.

He has the keys to Mat's apartment, so he lets himself in when he arrives and it's in the quiet of Mat's dark apartment that he finally has a moment to process what Mat's told him. The whole flight over, he was only thinking about Mat and how quickly he could get to him; now, he's thinking about Mat and the news that they're possibly going to become parents. 

If Ethan's being honest, most of his plans for the future have involved hockey. When he meets Mat, his new best friend becomes part of his vision for the future; when they're almost 17, it hits him out of nowhere that Mat's really pretty and smells so good. From there, it's hockey and Mat as his omega. And he has thought about kids, fleetingly. He knows he wants them and he knows without a doubt that he wants them with Mat. He just hadn't thought about having kids just yet. 

He's not mad, not even troubled, really. He's worried about Mat because he sounded absolutely frantic on the phone and he feels bad that Mat had to find out that he's pregnant all by himself. It's possible that Ethan's the last person that Mat wants to see right now, but Ethan needs to see his omega and do everything he can to make sure that he's ok. He's still shocked, but it's not like the floor's gone from beneath his feet. He remembers how Mat's scent was just a little different at the end of his last heat and Ethan hadn't paid much attention then, but he recalls it now. Maybe he should've said something then, or encouraged Mat to get himself checked out earlier, when he'd been having headaches before it escalated to what they now know is morning sickness. 

Financially, they're more than ready for a baby. In terms of their relationship, well, Ethan knows there's no one else for him than Mat and they're solid there, too. And if Mat wants this, wants to have a baby now, then Ethan's prepared to learn how to be there for Mat and their child the way they'll need. 

He finds Mat in his bedroom, curled up on the bed and he needs to take a moment just to take in how beautiful Mat is and how much he's missed him since he saw him a couple weeks ago. He picks up on Mat's sweet, fruity scent, including the new lavender-camomile notes he noticed at the end of Mat's last heat. 

He really should've said something. Hell, he should've been more careful with Mat during his heat. 

He approaches and Mat looks a little distressed even as he sleeps. He can't help running his fingers through Mat's soft hair and he wants to scent Mat a little, to ground Mat and find the same solace in Mat's sweet scent. He wants to tell Mat that everything's going to be ok and reassure him that he loves him. He gets his chance as Mat slowly wakes up, then looks as much as he sounded like he was freaking out on the phone when he sees Ethan in front of him. 

He calms Mat down, kissing him gently until he's less panicked. He can still tell that his omega's on edge, so he's particularly gentle as he scents him, leaving kisses on Mat's soft skin as he nuzzles his neck. He reassures Mat that he's going to be there for him no matter what and holds him until he falls asleep. It's unconscious when he wraps his arms around Mat's waist from behind. It's also accidental that he rests a hand on Mat's abdomen, but he's drifting to sleep himself and not being fully conscious, he inhales Mat's new, soft floral scent and feels just a little more protective of his omega. 

\-------

Ethan's woken up early the next morning by Mat shoving him aside in a sprint to the bathroom. It takes a few minutes for him to understand what's going on, then he realizes that this is what Mat meant when he'd told him a little offhandedly that he'd been feeling nauseous pretty regularly. Unfortunately, it sounds like Mat's going to be in there for a while, so Ethan tries to do something to feel useful. He spends a few minutes on his phone and hopes that Mat has some fresh ginger on hand. He doesn't; he doesn't have much in the way of groceries at all and Ethan makes a mental note to stock Mat's kitchen later in the day. He makes do with what Mat has and hopes that green tea with lemon and dry toast will work.

Mat's out of the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bed when Ethan returns. He looks pale and like he can barely sit up. Ethan's heart breaks a little at the revelation that his precious omega has been dealing with all this alone. If this, and worse later, is what Mat has to go through and they're not even prepared, then Ethan doesn't want him to feel like he has to go through with the pregnancy. 

"Feeling better?" He asks softly, sitting down beside Mat as he offers him the tea and toast. 

Mat nods and smiles weakly, leaning against Ethan's shoulder as he cautiously sips at the tea and takes tentative bites of toast. Ethan's seen Mat sick before but not this subdued as a result. He realizes that Mat's not only feeling unwell but is also preoccupied with the weighty decision he has to make. Ethan knows that there are some alphas who would force or guilt their omega to give birth to a baby they hadn't planned and he'd never do that to Mat. He loves him and respects him too much and he knows that this is Mat's decision to make. Still, he wishes that he could make it for Mat, if only relieve him of the burden he's carrying. In the back of his mind, Ethan's always known that this could happen, but it doesn't make it any less disarming. Mat doesn't usually want sex during his heats and his heats are normally predictable, yet his last one had been completely unexpected in both ways. Caught up in the urge just to _feel_ , they hadn't been careful (at all) and Ethan regrets it now. He doesn't regret being with Mat -- he doesn't think that that's possible -- but he feels responsible because he was more coherent than Mat and should've been more careful. 

A few minutes later, Mat's asleep again. His scent's a little off and Ethan can tell that his omega is distressed. It's difficult knowing that there isn't much he can do, so he does what he can. He gets groceries for Mat and tries not to worry about the last time his omega has eaten and takes a couple weeks off, telling his agent that he's got an urgent family situation he needs to deal with. He's not ashamed and he's technically telling the truth: Mat's his family and if Mat decides to keep the baby, then they really are going to be a family in a traditional sense. But he stays vague because he doesn't know if Mat wants anyone else to know. 

He gives Mat space but makes sure he knows that he's there, too. He's not the best cook, but he gives it his best so that Mat eats the way he should in between bouts of nausea. He holds Mat's hand through all his doctor's appointments and normalizes how Mat's feeling as much as he can. In addition to the morning sickness, Mat's getting unusual cravings for things he doesn't normally eat and it freaks him out a little, knowing it's because he's pregnant. Ethan caters to him, holds him, eats with him like bison steaks and raw carrots with hummus at nine in the morning is their normal and reminds him that he has a choice. 

Mat wakes him up in the middle of night a few days after he arrives, looking guilty for doing so. Ethan just kisses him and asks him what's wrong. Mat tells him that he wants an abortion and he sounds so unsure and scared, like he's worried that Ethan won't let him.

"Ok," Ethan says and pulls Mat a little closer, kissing him and rubbing his back, hoping he can convey just how much he loves him. 

Mat cries a little, because he feels overwhelmed, tired and a little nauseous even though it's the middle of the night. He tells Ethan that he also feels relieved because he's pretty sure that he wants kids in the future and he knows he wants them with Ethan, but not now and he feels better knowing that they don't have to do this yet. Ethan knows that if Mat had chosen to go through with the pregnancy, how he feels about him wouldn't have changed in the slightest and that he'd love their kid, too. But he also does feel relieved by Mat's decision, because he's not ready either. 

He's determined to be the best alpha ever when he takes Mat home from the clinic. He makes sure that Mat gets all the rest he needs and keeps an eye out because he doesn't know if this is affecting Mat mentally and emotionally. They go to one and only one counselling session and find that all they really needed was to talk to each other. They establish that they're both ok with what happened, although Ethan still feels apologetic for getting Mat pregnant even though he knows, as Mat reminds him, that it takes two. Neither of them are traumatized and they've come to an understanding that their idea of their baby is exactly that -- an idea, a projection. 

Mat still feels sick, but he gets better by the time Ethan has to prepare to head back to Edmonton. They still text or call every day and they still love each other. If anything, they love each other a little more after what they've gone through. 

\-------

Ethan notices the difference when, a few years later, he and Mat are actually trying for a baby. They want it this time and while spending Mat's heats together is always incredible, Ethan's hyperaware of Mat's body in the best way: the intensity of his sweet, rich vanilla, ripe strawberry and fresh rose scent, the masculine curves and edges of his body... Just knowing that he's the only one who gets to be with Mat like this, that Mat's now _choosing_ to have his baby makes their intimacy something else entirely. He's so happy he almost cries when he detects the slight change in Mat's scent after his heat ends -- this time, he's waiting for it and he tells Mat as soon as he wakes up in his arms. 

Pregnancy is uncomfortable for Mat, but Ethan takes good care of him and Mat still wants another baby a few years after their daughter is born. Their daughter and their newborn son become Ethan's whole world. When he's on the road, he calls home to see his mate and their kids now, and he knows they're watching when he's on the ice. They split most of the off-season between Saskatchewan and British Columbia, and Ethan doesn't think he'll ever want for anything as he gets to bring their very own kids to the places where he and Mat grew up. Spending hours teaching his daughter hockey, hearing his baby son's laugh and going to bed with Mat every night... Ethan doesn't feel like anything is missing. 


End file.
